just -- >> the worst thing, from my point of view, somebody who really liked you and got to know you, is that there was a terrible sort of blame game going on. >> oh, yeah. >> in all of the headlines, that you had been on your blackberry, doing this. and it turns out all of that was complete nonsense. you weren't found culpable of anything. it was one of those terrible accidents in life. >> it was very hurtful, what people were saying, what the media was saying. but you know, i felt spiritually, it was a test of my strength, and it revealed my strength to me. it took a while because i went through -- it was really tough, mentally, physically, spiritually, but i got through it. >> were there times when you thought, i'm going to have to pack this in, this celebrity game? because if you had just been a regular person involved in that accident, nothing would have happened as a result of it. because you were so famous in this big show, and a huge singing star, it was just excellent fodder. >> i know.